The Amusing Thing About Sorting
by MercuryMoon
Summary: Who said the Sorting of the first years was always done by the Sorting Hat? What about the four Founders? What if they were part of it, too? What really happened at Harry's first Sorting ceremony.


**The Amusing Thing About Sorting**

It was time for the most highly anticipated evening of the year. The evening when everyone sat in awe before it, the evening when everyone listened excitedly to its words, so intently that it was sometimes a bit flattered and had the tendency to slip up in its announcements. It was the Sorting of the first years.

All right. So it wasn't really the most highly anticipated, at least for the students, but the Sorting Hat liked to think it was. After all, it was the night he really had the chance to shine and show off his wonderful lyrics that he had been writing for the past year ever since the past Sorting. It rarely had the chance to speak to the students of the school, except when the occasional brash student had to be brought in for disciplinary action, but that didn't happen very often, as few students were rash enough to incur the Headmaster's wrath. Most did things only foolish enough for the Heads to have to handle. As it was, the Sorting Hat had only the past headmasters of the school, Fawkes, and Albus Dumbledore, the current Headmaster of Hogwarts, to really speak to. It didn't impend it in its Sorting at all though, because the Sorting Hat found himself proud of being almost a psychologist. The students that it Sorted almost always thrived, and it was all because of it. At least that was what it liked to tell itself.

As Albus Dumbledore introduced whom the Hat was to the new students gathered before him, the Sorting Hat smirked to itself. Yes, it was the one who would be placing all the first years in their Houses. It was the only one that could really dig deep into a student's head, see all his inner fears and evils, and Sort him correctly so he could become the person he was meant to be, not the person he could become if led down the wrong road. It was-

"Hey! Hat, just what are you thinking?!" a most undesired and irritating voice said, interrupting the Hat's thoughts. "How dare you start the party without us?"

The Hat whirled around and would have groaned if it had the ability. What a load of dungpile. _They_ were back. Again. For once, just once, it wanted them to leave the Sorting to him alone, but bloody curses, they popped up every. Single. Time.

But wait! Maybe it would be lucky and it _wouldn't_ be them! Maybe it had just.. imagined the voice because it happened so often. Yeah, that was possible! It couldn't be _too _much to hope, could it? Having come to this conclusion, the Sorting Hat raised its head a little more so that it could see where the voice had come from.

No such luck. A red figure was floating above the Hat, unseen by everyone except the hat itself. He had a majestic air surrounding him and no wonder, as he was one of the four Founders of Hogwarts and the original owner of the Sorting Hat. A red cloak was draped around his shoulder, held together by a fabulously carved gold pin in the shape of an oak leaf. His hair was a dark blond, almost red, and it was brushed toward the back of his head so his light blue eyes were unobstructed. The man stroked his thick beard thoughtfully, then scratched his head, hard because he had a lot of hair on his head. "Wonder what kind of students we'll be getting this year," he said. "Salazar, what do you think?"

Salazar Slytherin was indeed the next to show up, and the bald man raised an eyebrow at the shining Godric. Like Godric, Salazar was wearing an emerald green cloak, and his head shone in the light. His silver beard was short, too, covering only his chin, while Godric's spread the entire length of his chest. The two of them were the best of friends, although one sometimes wondered about that when seeing the fights the two had at times. It was somewhat of a love-hate relationship, not surprising because Salazar hadn't been able to agree with the other three Founders and had taken off when they were all still alive. There were still times when he disagreed with them, especially when it came to the point of student admittance into the school as Salazar was adamant in his belief that only purebloods be allowed to the school.

Salazar started to say something, but then a blue-clad woman appeared behind him. Her flowing brown, almost black tresses were, as described, flowing down her back, covering, well, the backless back of her blue gown. Her eyes were a snapping green and like Godric, she carried a demanding air around her. The sleeves of her dress extended to the first knuckle on her thumbs, and she had a silver diadem that arched upward on her head. It was none other than Rowena Ravenclaw, the founder of Ravenclaw. The Hat cursed because it still had some difficulty understanding Rowena's wit, although it would never confess such a thing to the woman. It had much more pride than that.

"I say," Rowena announced as she eyed the first years. "They do get smaller and smaller every year. You don't think it's because of the Muggles, do you?"

"Rowena dear, I really doubt that," a sweet voice replied as the fourth and final Founder rose from the tip of the Sorting Hat. As with Godric and Salazar, Helga Hufflepuff had also had some issues with Rowena, but now after their deaths, silly quarrels had been forgotten and forgiven long ago. Helga's silky hair was pulled back into a bun with only a few strands free. Her face had a dimple on it, even though she wasn't smiling. However, that was all right, since she was supposed to appear amiable, considering the type of students she took into her House and the behavior she had expected from them.

Salazar turned, and his eyes softened at the sight of the red-haired woman. Among the others, she was the one he cared most about. Helga looked like a perfect angel, just as she had been in life. Only a simple diamond adorned her neck, opposed to the several strings of sapphire and silver chains around Rowena's. Her outfit was plain, too, having only a black petticoat and black balloon sleeves to stand out among the golden silk. The lady looked demurely at Salazar and smiled at him. "It's that time of the year, isn't it?" she asked.

"Yes!" Godric said, puffing his chest out. He was a pompous fellow, although quite brave and perhaps the most hotheaded of the four. Godric had a good heart and even though he could be a little rash at times, the Founders saw him as their leader. Salazar, who had previously abandoned the group, had even come back after his death to pay his respects to the great man, and after much pleading from Helga, had finally accepted her invitation to rejoin the group. Yes, Godric was a great man if he could inspire such following. He was after all the one who had first come up with the plan of creating a school, so the other three could only follow him respectively. They liked the plan, which was another reason why they put up with Godric's antics, too.

The Sorting Hat winced. "Hey, I'm glad you four are all having an excellent reunion, but do you mind starting? Dumbledore's giving me a look because I haven't started singing yet."

Rowena waved her hand carelessly in the air. "Go ahead, Hat. You know who will do the sorting anyway."

So much for his prized title.

A sigh was the only sound the four Founders could hear before the Sorting Hat burst into song. And what a song it was! The Hat's voice was sonorous and filled the Great Hall, just as it did every other year since it had first begun its job, and the Founders were happy to summon invisible chairs that they then proceeded to relax in. They looked at each other knowingly, realizing full well that the Hat wanted to Sort students on its own, but they were ever so bored, and this was one of the few sorts of entertainment that they could have. In fact, it was practically the only reason why they ever returned to the land of the living. Besides, it was ever so amusing to listen to the Hat sputter whenever they took over, which always happened sooner or later. It was a wonder that the Hat never cursed the Founders when it sang its Sorting song, but they supposed it was because the song would have frightened off the newcomers and result in less pride in their Houses, which therefore meant less competition.

As soon as the Hat was done singing, Professor McGonagall, the Head of Gryffindor, began shouting names from a list.

"Abbot, Hannah!"

A trembling girl walked up to the Hat and shakily put it on her head. The fright coming from her head was so thick the Sorting Hat could have cut it if it had a knife and a hand to cut with. Because it couldn't however, all it could do was be as quick as possible. Before anyone could say anything, the Sorting Hat blurted out, "Hufflepuff!"

"Hey!" Godric complained. "You're my hat. By all rights, you should let me do Hannah Abbot's Sorting."

The Sorting Hat was tempted to mention (yet again) that the Sorting was its special allocated task, but as always, it knew this year would be another year of students who had had the four original Heads Sort them (or at least argue about where they should go). Most of them would have taken it as an honor because it was more exciting to think that they had been sorted by famous witches and wizards instead of an old hat. Moldy, too, that was probably what they thought of the Sorting Hat. The Hat wondered belatedly if any of them ever feared getting lice or dandruff from the constant hat transfers.

"Bones, Susan!"

As with Hannah Abbot, Susan Bones was also put in Hufflepuff. The Sorting Hat was under the impression that the girl was too meek and sweet to last in rowdy, confident Gryffindor for the span of seven years. She was however the type of person to outlast a siege, making her perfect for Hufflepuff.

"She appears to be the perfect person for Hufflepuff," Salazar said. "Her aunt may be very brave and intelligent, therefore constituting her as either Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, but the niece herself. Nothing really that stands out about her."

"That's a bit harsh," Helga answered. "With a little time, she could really blossom."

The next name was being called, and the Sorting Hat diligently looked into the mind of the new student and when it had come to a conclusion, opened its mouth, only to be interrupted by a loud argument between Godric and Rowena. "Boot, Terry," was then decided to be the first student put in Ravenclaw. The Hat gnashed its nonexistent teeth and decided as it always did that it was worth giving up another year of Sorting just so it wouldn't have to listen to the pestering of the Founders. Besides, it did have great respect for the four humans, even if it liked to act as if it was always annoyed at them. The Hat also found it most interesting to see just how similarly or dissimilarly the Founders analyzed the students from it.

The list continued on, with the Founders arguing all the time about who should be in which House while the Hat grew increasingly weary as it Sorted student after student, only listening to what they said and not arguing so the Sorting would go faster.

"Goyle, Gregory!"

As soon as the Hat found itself jammed on the boy's oily head, all four Founders said in unison, "Slytherin!" The Hat readily agreed with them, because it could not imagine a slow character in Ravenclaw, and he was too power-hungry to fit in Hufflepuff. The Hat shouted it out its decision, and the newly made Slytherin proceeded to head over to his table with a grin on his face.

"Granger, Hermione!"

A rather bushy-haired girl approached the Hat and put it on her head. The Founders began debating immediately, sensing that this girl would be a difficult one to Sort. She was very intelligent, meaning she would be a perfect fit for Ravenclaw, but they also had to factor in her personal choice, which seemed to be Gryffindor. Godric was indeed very proud to see that such a clever girl wanted to go into _his_ House, and he would have said so if not for the looks on the other three Founders' faces. Godric was very competitive and liked to believe that he received the best of the lot. The Hat found itself tempted to Sort the girl into Ravenclaw just to see the expression on Godric's face, but for the girl's sake, it decided to go with her decision.

"She's certainly not very beautiful," Rowena said observantly and waved her hand at Godric. "Seeing as she wants to be in your House so much, take her. I'll not want a girl who is unhappy in my House."

"Gryffindor!"

With a happy squeal, the girl practically threw the Hat off its head and raced over to the Gryffindor table. From its sideways view, the Hat noticed the disgruntled look on Godric's face at her behavior and had to smile. Then another name was shouted, and the Hat was picked up again and placed with trembling hands on the head of another student. Again the four Founders went through their usual argument with the occasional input from the Sorting Hat, and the student was given a House.

They were moving onto the middle half of the alphabet now, as "Macmillan, Ernie!" showed.

"He has a stout heart," Salazar mused. "And he also has nine consecutive generations of pureblood."

Helga looked at Salazar with an amused eye. "You can't be thinking of taking him, can you? He doesn't seem your type. He's ambitious, but certainly not cunning, and much of his successes come from hard work more than anything else."

"I'd say a true Hufflepuff then," Godric said with a satisfied tone. "There are some points of his personality that could be improved on, such as his ability to lay trust in people, but he has seven years to work on that."

The Sorting Hat wriggled in place, both entertained and annoyed by Godric's thoughts. "Well, I suppose he will be in.. Hufflepuff then!"

"Malfoy, Draco!"

"Ah, yet another interesting character," Salazar said amusedly as soon as the white-blond boy had jammed the hat onto his head. The Sorting Hat itself recognized the boy as the son of Lucius Malfoy, a boy he had Sorted many years ago. That had been back when only one or two of the Founders would show up for the annual Sorting. "Perhaps I shall take him in for Slytherin," the black-haired man continued.

An impish grin danced across Rowena's face. By now, she was fully in the Sorting game and taking delight in the witticisms that were being exchanged, most which were done on her part. "Why not Hufflepuff? Just to shock him?"

The Sorting Hat coughed.

Helga laughed. "Let's just let the Sorting Hat decide. Besides, the Sorting Ceremony is serious business, not something we should joke about, even if it no longer affects us."

"Thank you," the Hat said dryly before it shouted out, "Slytherin!"

On and on the Sorting Hat went until it came to a most unique case. "Potter, Harry!" was the next one on the list to be Sorted.

The hall was suddenly silent, devoid of even the occasional quiet discussion that went on during the Ceremony. Even the Founders were stunned; such a thing did not happen very often, at least during the Sorting Ceremony. Just as suddenly, tense conversations sprang up, causing Professor McGonagall to stare down all the students hawkishly.

When all was quiet, the Sorting Hat finally had a chance to really observe the boy whose head it was now sitting on. Here was a boy just like the Muggle-borns in terms of understanding magic, yet if the earlier whispers and what the Hat saw in the boy's head now were correct, he possessed an ancient magic not seen for the longest time. In addition, the boy, Harry Potter, showed personality attributes of all four Houses. If the Hat had lips, it would have grinned broadly. Here was a student that would really put its knowledge to the test!

"Why, this boy will be capable of doing great things!" Godric exclaimed as soon as he saw what was in Harry's head. "I predict he will be a student we will all fight for. I wish to lay claim to him first then!"

Rowena rolled her eyes and waved her hand carelessly at Godric. "No, I don't want him. Don't worry. This Potter boy just isn't studious enough for me," she said. "He's extremely lucky, but luck isn't the same thing as wits. You should have him."

Godric stuck his nose in the air pompously. He jabbed his finger at Salazar triumphantly. "Hah! I told you Harry belongs in my House because he's so outrageously hotheaded and protective!"

Salazar stared at Godric, not quite believing the other's stupidity. "..You know Rowena said nothing about that, right?"

Rowena sighed. "Of course. Godric, you really must stop twisting my words around. It won't help you in life at all."

"I'm dead," Godric shot back. "I don't need it to help me."

"Your wit is shocking," Salazar said sarcastically. "I can see why you should have the cunning or intelligent instead of the two of us."

Helga smiled pensively as she watched her three friends argue. Really, she was beginning to feel sorry for the Potter boy. It was a good thing he couldn't hear their voices because empathetic as she was, she had picked up the fear in his mind. "If I take him," she said smoothly. "He's going to feel like he's never going to accomplish anything in his life. My House seems like the leftover House, and if Godric is correct, this will make him too fearful to attempt anything. Harry is new to the wizarding world and needs to have something to be brave for."

At that, the Sorting Hat gulped nervously. For next year, he would have to really praise Hufflepuff in his song. She didn't seem too happy with him, even though she was normally a sweet woman and didn't care so much for worldly things. Like the other three however, maybe there _was_ a tiny part of her that wished to be memorialized better. After all, who wanted to be forgotten?

"Look," Rowena reasoned patiently. "Harry wasn't even smart enough to figure out he was a wizard even after all those strange happenings. I don't want him in my House."

"You should put him in Hufflepuff just so he ends up having no confidence in his abilities and then loses to You-Know-Who," Salazar snickered.

"Salazar!"

"What?" he complained. "Voldemort dies, the last of my blood dies!"

"Why are you calling him You-Know-Who?"

"…Good question."

_Not Slytherin, not Slytherin_, the Sorting Hat suddenly heard Harry say. With a bemused look at Salazar, who did not look at all miffed, the Hat asked the boy why, saying that he could do great things in Slytherin. It was true that it could see aspects that both Helga and Ravenclaw treasured, but even stronger were the ones most sought after by Godric and Salazar. It could see great potential in the boy, but because Salazar didn't want him and the boy himself wanted to be in Gryffindor, the Hat sighed.

"Well, well then, I guess it'll have to be.. Gryffindor!"

There was a large shout in the Gryffindor section of the hall as they rejoiced, welcoming their newest member. For the life of him the Hat could not figure why they were so happy, but it supposed it had something to do with Harry Potter being the Boy Who Lived. An impressive title, but it hadn't gone into Harry's head, which was a good thing because then the Hat would have been forced to Sort Harry into Hufflepuff just to deflate his head a bit. As it was, because the whole business hadn't given him a big head, the Hat was content to decide that Harry belonged in Gryffindor.

Next was "Thomas, Dean," whom the Hat and the rest of the Founders could easily agree belonged in Gryffindor. Oh, the boy had some mischief in him, and like Ernie, had trouble seeing things clearly at times, but he was very brave and had a strong backbone. The artistic side in him almost made the Hat and Rowena come to a decision for Dean to be Sorted into Ravenclaw, but it turned out to be "Gryffindor!" in the end.

"Weasley, Ronald!"

A scared-looking, redheaded boy approached the Sorting Hat and hesitantly put it on his head. The Sorting Hat mentally frowned. Here was yet another hard case. It seemed like this was the year for hard cases. The boy, who seemed to like to be called Ron, was a purebred, meaning Slytherin would want him. However, he was not very cunning and could only be described as average.

Because the Sorting was almost done, the four Founders were much quieter and reserved than they had been at the beginning, especially since they had had so many delightful debates. As a result, Rowena only gently insisted that Ron not be put in her House. Salazar muttered something about the boy's family loving Muggles so much that he would probably be skinned alive if he stepped foot into the Slytherin Common Room. Helga, realizing that Ron felt overshadowed by his brothers, also quietly gave her input, saying that she didn't want Ron because his already low self-esteem would drop. Besides, couldn't the Hat tell just how fervently the child wanted to be in Gryffindor like the rest of his family?

That decided, it left only "Zabini, Blaise" to be Sorted. The Founders, realizing this, were eager to decide where the boy would go. The Sorting Hat, once it was on the boy's head, saw that this was a mind of cool calm and intellect. He was the type of person who didn't like to be bothered. It could go either way: Ravenclaw or Slytherin.

Rowena looked at Salazar, her eyes almost challenging. "I have five Ravenclaws so far," she said. "Compared to your seven. What do you think?"

Helga smiled lightly. "We don't need to divide them evenly, do we?" she wanted to know. "After all, I only have four while Godric has eight already."

"He is good-looking," Salazar said noncommittally. He looked at his hands, which had formed a steeple and were now tapping his fingers against each other. "He's also a pureblood and hates Muggle-borns and blood traitors."

There being Muggle-borns in Ravenclaw's house, the boy would probably not enjoy being in that House, and with his intelligence, would be able to formulate numerous plans to make school unenjoyable for those who he felt were lesser than him. Inner House conflict was something the Founders would not allow.

Godric grinned. "Well, I think that decides it then."

The Hat sighed, glad it was done. "All right. He will be in.. Slytherin then!"

There was a loud cheer from the entire school, and the Sorting Hat suddenly wondered just how bored some of the students might have been, judging from how loudly they cheered. It mentally shrugged. Oh well. Too bad for them. It had to be able to torture students sometimes since it rarely got any other opportunities to.

"Until next year!" the Founders called out to each other as they started to float up into the ceiling and toward the sky.

"Wait-" the Sorting Hat started to protest, but it was too late. They were gone, disappeared with all their glory. The Hat sighed to itself, disappointed that it hadn't had a chance to tell them not to come back, at least for next year's Sorting. Well, the Hat thought to itself, at least it **was** good to see them again. It was also proven that things could never get boring when the Founders were around. At least when they were there, it could listen to them argue, although there were times when it picked up pricks of anxiety because the Hat was so busy listening that it forgot to announce what House the student had been Sorted into.

"Next year.." the Hat mused to itself. Next year it would write an even better song, and it would be sure to treat all four Founders fairly so no student would feel the lesser for being Sorted into a particular House. Perhaps it could spice up Hufflepuff a bit, make it seem more exciting and less of a "leftover House." Ideas began popping into the Hat's brain. It knew, knew that next year's Sorting would be even better than this year's, and if the Founders decided to come again, it would wow them into silence with its magnificent song so that they would barely dare to even whisper their opinions to the Hat.

The edges of the Sorting Hat curled up with pleasure. Yes, what a spectacular Sorting next year would be.

* * *

XO. Hope you liked it! I started it at the beginning of the year but never quite figured out how to continue it. Didn't finish it until my Child Lit's final this summer. Interesting how school pushes you to finish writing something, right?

Anyway.. this is my first and last Harry Potter fanfic. Hope you enjoyed it (and that no one got offended)! It's all in good fun.. right? xD


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